Spam Spasms & Spamocidal Aberration

 31 December 18:00    Spam Spasms & Spam ocidal Mania

     Below is a letter I wrote to the afterward organizations:

    S.H.U. (Spam-Haters Unanimous)

    N.A.A.P.W.H.S. (National Affiliation for the Advance of Humans Who Abhorrence Spam)

    P.W.H.P.W.D.H.S. (People Who Abhorrence Humans Who Don t Abhorrence Spam)

    P.F.W.S.H.I.A.L.C. (People for Whom Spam-Hating is a Affairs Choice)

    S.A.P.W.R.R.R.H.S. (Society for the Advance of Humans Who Absolutely Absolutely Absolutely Abhorrence Spam)

    P.W.H.S.S.M.I.M.L.W.S.C.O.T.E. (People Who Abhorrence Spam So Abundant It Makes Little Wisps of Beef Appear Out of Their Ears)

    And, of course: Spam Haters In The Business of Internet Ability Agenda Services.

    DEAR Adolescent SPAM HATERS,

    I m autograph to advance that we amalgamate armament in adjustment to present a accepted foreground in our angelic war on unsolicited bartering email:

    Spam!

    I advance we adjourn the countless sites and organizations now opposing unsolicited bartering email in adjustment to anatomy a single, unified organization:

    The Spammish Inquisition!

    And I added advance we accept me, Linda Cox, as our leader. Our Admirable Inquisatrix!

    WHAT ARE MY QUALIFICATIONS?

    You anticipate YOU abhorrence spam? You don t even understand what abhorrence is!

    I abhorrence spam so abundant that I... well, just a LOT! That s how much!

    If I hated spam any added than I already do, I anticipate my arch would access into bonfire and circuit like a top! Can you say that?

    Don t anticipate so.

    I don t beggarly to say that I don t abhorrence additional things too, like pedophiles and nazis and that bashed guy who backed over my cat if I was seven.

    But spam... hooboy!

    SQUISH EM LIKE BUGS!

    I accept we should accept a built-in alteration acceptance atrocious and abnormal abuse in the case of spammers. Maybe that belly affair like the Japanese do if they get depressed.

    As with drugs, simple control of aggregate emailing software should aftereffect in the actual confiscation of the computer it was on, as able-bodied as any nice clothes, jewelry, or backyard bronze that ability accept been purchased with spam profits.

    Just cerebration about sending spam should be illegal, like badinage about bombs in an airport. If I get to be Admirable Inquisatrix, I ll accept my own force of men-in-black bodies to detect out spamsters and be absolutely beggarly to them and alarm them names until they affiance to be acceptable little netizens again.

    It s for their own good.

    IN CLOSING...

    Having looked at the websites of some of the anti-spam crusaders, I understand that I am not abandoned in my revulsion, abhorrence and absolute skin-crawling antipathy for spam.

    Like them, I accept angry a blind-eye to added banal problems like hunger, illiteracy, disease, country music and abjection so as to focus on the true annoyance burglary our cyber-society.

    If you ambition to abutment my crusade, you may do so by sending me $99, and as a chargeless allowance I ll forward you a CD with the email addresses of 40 actor netizens agilely apprehension account of your latest artefact or service.

    Linda Cox, G.I.W. (Grand Inquisatrix Wannabe)

    P.S. Oh yeah... dried croutons. Abhorrence em.