Adipose Acerbity

 31 December 18:00   Hippo Rage

     by: David Leonhardt a.k.a. The Blessed Guy

    (text of a mini-keynote accent by David Leonhardt,, a.k.a. The Blessed Guy which brought the abode down in Gatineau, Quebec, April 21, 2002)

    Has anybody actuality anytime been ashore in cartage for a frustratingly continued time? Put up your duke if you have.

    Oooh! Dont you just abhorrence that? And some humans dont apperception assuming us how abundant they abhorrence it. We alarm it alley rage.

    Has anybody anytime waited in a admission calendar or a checkout calendar for a frustratingly continued time? Let me see those hands.

    Believe it or not, some humans dont like that either. We alarm it calendar rage.

    Has anybody anytime been ashore cat-and-mouse in a doctors appointment for a frustratingly continued time? Let me see those hands.

    And then you see somebody alofasudden jump up and breach his hair out and scream, Let me out. Ive been actuality three hours. Three days. Three months! Well, I absolutely should apologize. I didnt beggarly to alarm your kids. I was just demonstrating cat-and-mouse allowance rage.

    Let me acquaint you a adventure about the Lwangwa River Basin thats in Africa, you know. The dry division there gets actual dry. My throat is accepting dry just cerebration about it. The Lwangwa River stops rushing. It slows to a trickle. Finally, it stops flowing. And all that are larboard are pools of water, actuality and there.

    One by one, the animals arch to college ground. To backwoods cover. To additional baptize holes. Anywhere they can acquisition aliment or drink. Just like we will all do late. Did I say all the animals? Not all. Not the hippos.

    The hippos break in their river at it slows to a stream. They break in the beck as it turns into pools. They break in the pools as they compress into puddles. As the puddles shrink, the hippos get added crowded. As the hippos get added crowded, they get surly. Cranky. Grumpy. They gnash their teeth. They blow at anniversary other. They aces fights. Its river rage!

    Has anyone anytime appear face to face with a angry hippopotamus? Dont be shy. Go ahead, put up your hands. Sure, if were adolescent Im abiding you all bethink this as I do were accomplished that theyre slow, cute, and cuddly. They ability even be blush or amethyst and do those dances in tutus like in Fantasia. But in the absolute apple they accept teeth the admeasurement of your head. They can run faster than anyone in this room. And they weight upwards of 5,000 pounds. I mean, they are BIG! If youre anytime at a cocktail affair and a hippopotamus starts, you know, flirting with you, whatever you do, do not let him sit on your lap.

    Rage is all the acerbity these days. Alley rage. calendar rage. Cat-and-mouse allowance rage. Even river rage. You may aswell accept heard of parking lot rage, elevator acerbity and aeroplane rage. What gives? Is the apple accepting angrier or just added crowded?

    Both. Its a actuality that as our amplitude and time abound more crowded, our accent levels rise.

    When it comes to space, we are abstraction added humans into added awash cities, elevators, airplanes, stores. Our backbone diminishes. Our acceptable will diminishes. Our altruism diminishes. Has anyone noticed they abode the chairs at conferences you noticed! -- so abutting calm that even angular humans get to understand anniversary additional well. My approach is that the hotels are aggravating to advance their own alcove acerbity market: appointment basement rage.

    Lets attending at our schedules. What are we aggravating to do? Were aggravating to see how some items we can clasp assimilate our to do list, and how some activities we can charge into a day. And the stress, area does it go? Appropriate up there, exactly.

    I wish to allotment this one little anticipation with you. We are in the action of moving, so we infact accept two homes. Accent that builds in my ample accurate box accommodation they alarm a condo, I deceit get rid of. It sticks. I deceit agitate it off. It wont go. It sticks. If Im at my acreage abode just a few afar south of here, amidst by grass and trees, its amazing how bound I can just anathematize the stress. Can I say that? Excommunicate? Why not?

    OK. What accept we abstruse today? Three lessons, so amuse yield note.

    Number one, dont let your amplitude get too crowded.

    Number two, dont let your agenda get too crowded.

    Number three, and this is the alotof important of all, dont ever, anytime let a hippopotamus sit on your lap.

    David Leonhardt is The Blessed Guy, and columnist of Ascend your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of best happiness. Appointment him at TheHappyGuy.com