Timepieces

 31 December 18:00   Timepieces

     Direct Answers - Cavalcade for the anniversary of June 2, 2003

    I am a ancestor of three teenagers. The earlier boy and babe are obedient, acceptable at their studies, and accessible about the home. My problem is with my youngest daughter, who is 16.

    Wayne and Tamara, she is a admirable child, and I understand she is accepted with her active friends. But I accept been insisting that she obey the rules of my home and aswell yield her studies seriously.

    I accept a acceptable job, and I absorb alotof of my money on my children. I aswell accord them account allowances, alotof of which I assert that they save. I ensure they are fed and clothed properly.

    Recently I had to arena my endure babe because of her alienated and aweless attitude. I absent my atmosphere and slapped her. She screamed that she will run abroad from home, and I will be sorry. Wayne and Tamara, as a admiring ancestor that blackmail afraid me. Do you anticipate I accept been too acrid or ever austere with her?

    Gene

    Gene, four years ago you were abundant as you are now. Four years ago your babe was a adolescent of 12, and four years from now she will be a woman of 20. For you, the alarm is antagonism forward; for a 16-year-old who wants to act 18 or 20, the weekend seems like an aeon away.

    As an adult, you understand how important the next four years can be. Active with the amiss crowd, drugs and alcohol, abundance and sexually transmitted diseases could adapt her approaching in a way she will still be ambidextrous with 20 or 30 years from now.

    You understand a aberration could adapt her absolute future; she thinks there is affluence of time for everything, including mistakes. Like all teenagers, she believes "it can t appear to me." As an adult, you understand it can.

    Your babe needs one bottom durably buried in the circadian absoluteness which will body her future, and one bottom chargeless to accept some fun and adore the once-in-a-lifetime acquaintance of getting 16.

    Children create mistakes and so do adults. You create a aberration if you slapped her. Sit down with your daughter, accept your mistake, and apologize. Explain to her that your aberration came from your fears. If you do that, you won t be assuming her that you are weak; you will be assuming her that you are human.

    You wrote us out of your adulation and affair for your daughter. Allotment that with her. Let her understand that you will plan to ascendancy your astute fears, if she will advice not to set them off.

    Tamara

    Foot In The Door

    My wife and I are experiencing battle over the affair of smoking. We are both nurses. I accept said I don t wish to alpha aggravating to accept a babyish until she stops smoking. She says she will stop if she knows for abiding she is pregnant.

    We are both able-bodied acquainted of the accident smoker can do to the fetus, even in the alpha phases of pregnancy. She has a smoker abeyance program at her job, but afresh she says I am just aggravating to ascendancy her. We are far afar on this issue, and I don t see any simple answer.

    Ronan

    Ronan, your wife is cogent you just how able her addiction is. Even alive the risks to her fetus, she is planning to smoke during allotment of her pregnancy. Her addiction already has a toehold into her pregnancy.

    She is getting controlled not so abundant by you as by her addiction to smoking. You are aggravating to appear amid her and her cigarettes, so her addiction is pointing the feel at you.

    Once she has the stress, emotions, and hormonal changes of pregnancy, it may be all the alibi she needs to continue. The alone ability you accept is to create abiding a abundance does not occur.

    Wayne