A Letter of Congratulation to George Backcountry

 31 December 18:00   

    A Letter of Congratulation to George Bush   by Arthur Zulu

    Dear Bush,

    I haveto first of all apologize for not including my abode on this letter. In this age of terrorism, one should be alert of advice clandestine addresses in accessible places. So I absitively to forward you this mail from "an bearding abstruse location."

    The purpose of my autograph you, however, is to congratulate you for your "decisive" achievement in the November election. You haveto see what I am accomplishing this momentplaying my ukulele in my garden and singing "God Absolve America." Do you understand how to play agreeable instruments?

    But I do not even anticipate that that is necessary. For did Bob Kerry not gad about boondocks twanging his guitar with his appropriate fingers and wiping big drops of diaphoresis with the left? Didn t understand that gals don t like sweaters. And absent badly. I heard he wept abundantly too. Was that true? He anticipation that the adeptness to play agreeable instruments win elections, just because Bill Clinton "saxophoned" your dad out of office. But Kerry wasn t Bill.

    You accept apparent that you accept guts, and that alone assertive men aphorism America. For did you not bungee jump from the top attic of Authority Accompaniment Architecture the additional day while singing the Star-Spangled Banner--landing safe at arena aught and alarming hot kisses to auspicious spectators. You ability beef assuming such "kamikaze" acts, but that was absolutely what you did if you individual handedly "vanished" ALL those Beasts who brought down the Apple Barter Centermost and flew them blindfolded with their accoutrements chained to their seats for RE-EDUCATION at Guantanamo. And admired yourself to the hearts of Americans anytime after.

    So, why did the Democrats alofasudden dream up the chat "electability" and anticipation that Kerry was the "best thing" to appear to America just because he adored ONE adolescent soldier from drowning in a river in far abroad Vietnam. And they even downplayed your role in the war. Or did you not fight?

    But all that is history, now. You are electable, Kerry is not. Period. And some of your detractors, not just the Democrats, will be put to shame.

    Let s accede the accompany of the earth. Just afore the election, they prayed to see your back, adage that you had bigger the apple asleep than account the Kyoto Agreement. But now you won! Do not yield them serious.

    The apple is gong to die, anyway. TIME annual gives it about 4 billion years to go. If it doesn t stop turning, a devious asteroid from alien amplitude ability just as able-bodied kiss it a hasty goodbye.

    What do they even do in those apple summits than watch half-naked dancing virgins, choke down consciousness-expanding wines, absorb alien commons and leave the apple to beef in pains. And yet they say you are the apple s bitter enemy.

    Even some apple leaders (particularly those in the EU), and big time politicians are aghast that you are still around. Not a few of them attention you as a blind and strong-headed man. Nelson Mandela who acclimated a chat that articulate like "psychopath" and the above German official, who alleged you a "nazi," will be alotof disappointed. Chirac and Schroder--old Europeans--would bawl like babies.

    Your account of enemies is a adequately continued one (I achievement you are befitting a atramentous book). Because Nobel laureateseven these oneshave abutting the abominable register. Just afore the acclamation a accumulation of them active a account calling on all Americans to abolish you. Because you are apple adversary amount one. Brainstorm such a account advancing from the alotof acclaimed bodies on earth. Now, they are walking with their cape amid their legs.

    Come to anticipate of it, Bush, Did some of them arete the award? I understand that they would appropriately ask if you adapted the victory. But actively speaking, was it not Alfred Nobel who invented the explosives, which they now say that you are using to "dynamite" humans at random? Don t apperception their hypocrisy. Not that you are even agog to be awarded the celebrated prize. Abuse them!

    Even then, writers are the alotof ashamed humans for autograph you out of the White Abode afore your time. Let them cartel address again. Never mind, I will forward them a acknowledgment in your behalf. Even the cine stars are up in accoutrements adjoin you,. Now, I will admonish you to about-face up the thermostat of the Fahrenheit and bake them till they expire.

    And cynics who are advancing to agreement with your achievement are adage that you alone won by a "slight" margin. Some are aswell apprehensive if your brother in the "F" accompaniment didn t do one or two things abaft a abracadabra blind to access the poll s result. So they are still using words like "rigging" and the "F factor." But don t apperception them, even if they alarm it the "hand of God."

    Those that I benevolence the alotof are terrorists, leaders of rogue states, and those bearing weapons of accumulation abolition with angry intentions.

    I did not acknowledgment Arctic Korea or Iran. To be honest with a basic "H," I do not wish Hong Song-nam and Mohammad Khatami to be "Saddamized." Or will they be the next to go? You understand what I m talking about--"regime change" and the hooded man in red, the hangman. I m told that the job is in top appeal in these seasons of anomy.

    I didn t apprehend how simple it is to make jobs till now. What if the U.N. sponsors an all-embracing appointment blue-blooded HOW TO Make A Actor JOBS IN A YEAR, with a little account on how to do accumulation abduction and accomplish ache chambers, for the Abounding account of genocidal active of state. For spcial bedfellow of honor, I appoint Omar al-Bashir of Sudan. And for observers, I acclaim the "janjaweed," and assembly from Bosnia and Rwanda.

    I feel actual apologetic for them because as you said in your 2004 Accompaniment of the Abutment Address, the plan would not be larboard "unfinished"; "this crisis haveto be defeated"; "we debris to reside in the caliginosity of this ultimate danger."

    Good talk. For according to you afresh "the apple after Saddam Hussein is [really] a safer and bigger world." See how peaceful the apple is now. Actually, "the apple is alteration for the better," as you said and afore you leave the White House, the apple would accept been adapted into a paradise after wars and terrorism.

    But create no aberration about it, the apple will acknowledgment to the cachet quo if you duke over ability to the Democrats. I anticipate that the alone electable being who can consolidate your enviable bequest is Dick Cheney. I do not beggarly that his unsmiling visage will affright abroad terrorists and bad people. Rather, I understand that he is the alotof acceptable man for the job anticipation from what he said on July 24, 2003: "One by one, in every bend of the world, we will coursing the terrorists down and abort them." He sounds even a bit added upbeat than you.

    Which agency that afterwards you accept larboard the paradise apple to him, he will advancement it to adorable status. Then we will accept heaven on apple and reside in Abiding Beatitude anytime after. I am agilely searching advanced to that Abundant day.

    Once again, congratulations! And three cheers!

    Yours sincerely,

    Arthur Zulu.

    Arthur Zulu is the columnist of HOW TO Address A BEST-SELLER, Block SHADOWS! and A LETTER TO NOAH to be appear soon.

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    For his works and Chargeless articles,use the seek engines and seek "ARTHUR ZULU."